Nando's "Last Dictator Standing" Pokes Fun at Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe

About time, too! A cute reminder to a dictator who has been in power since February 1980.

Via: http://bouffant.tv/welcome/
"The brand new entertaining spot directed by Dean Blumberg hits a funny nerve by tapping into the spirit of our times. Dean delivers a spot that surprises the viewer with unexpected twists by cleverly capturing the world’s most notorious dictators and making the viewer want to watch the ad again and again to see if they have actually seen and heard right."

The ad opens with a Robert Mugabe lookalike picking up a Muammar Gaddafi place card from an empty dinner table. In a dream sequence the Mugabe actor is seen sitting mournfully in a garden when the deceased Libyan dictator covered his eyes with white-gloved hands, then starts a waterfight with a golden AK-47. Next, he sings karaoke with the late Mao Tse-Tung of China, makes sand angels with Iraq's Saddam Hussein, pushes the swing with South African apartheid leader, Pieter Willem Botha, and in a scene parodying Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio from the Titanic film, he is seen riding on a tank with Uganda's Idi Amin, also deceased. Then the tagline -- "no one should ever have to eat alone so get a Nando 6-pack meal...."  The song in the video is "Those Were The Days" sung by Mary Hopkins.

As you can imagine, this was not received well in Zimbabwe.  BBC reports that Nando's South Africa has pulled the ad due to threats to its staff. Excerpts:

"We've noted with concern the political reaction emanating out of Zimbabwe, including perceived threats against Nando's Zimbabwe's management, staff and customers," Nando's South Africa said in a statement.

"We feel strongly that this is the prudent step to take in a volatile climate and believe that no TV commercial is worth risking the safety of Nando's staff and customers."

Nando's South Africa decided to axe its commercial after Mugabe loyalists from the Chipangano group had called for a boycott and other unspecified punitive action against the company.

"We condemn such adverts because it reduces our president to be someone without values," Chipangano leader Jimmy Kunaka told the BBC's Brian Hungwe earlier this week.

I learn something new everyday. Robert Mugabe has values. LOL!



Related posts:

• Arab Spring Not Done Yet, Who's Next Among the World's "Forever ...|Oct 20, 2011
• Where could #Gaddafi go if he were exiled? Somewhere where he ...|Feb 26, 2011
• Ambassador McGee Slogs on in Fruitcake Bob's Zimbabwe | Diplopundit Jan 29, 2009
• In Zimbabwe, Darkly | Diplopundit |Feb 03, 2009
• Shock and Awe: The Zimbabwe Edition | Diplopundit | Feb 10, 2009
• Where, Oh Where: Secretary Rice's Final Visit | Diplopundit |Dec 21, 2008
• The Zimbabwe Tinderbox | Diplopundit | Jun 06, 2008

Related articles

• Nando's drops 'last dictator' advert following Zimbabwe protest (telegraph.co.uk)
• Nando's axes Mugabe 'dictator' ad (bbc.co.uk)
• Mugabe grilled in South African chicken ad (csmonitor.com)
• Robert Mugabe's militia calls for closure of Nandos food chain (thezimbabwemail.com)

Hilarious Conversation Online on Unaccompanied Posts: There is "No Official List"

Apparently, there is no official list on unaccompanied posts in the State Department. Below is a kinda "hilarious" (depending on your POV) exchange which transpired at careers.state.gov, the go-to site for those interested in careers and lifestyle in the United States Foreign Service. It is an official site of the United States Department of State, so one could reasonably expect that 1) they know what they're talking about, and 2) they know what they're talking about.

Anyhow, somebody posted a question inquiring about "unaccompanied posts:"

Unaccompanied post
User: Kristen
Date: 9/14/2011 5:48 pm
Is there a way to get the current list of unaccompanied posts?

Reply •
Re: Unaccompanied post
DOS Family Liaison Office (FLO
User: DOS Family Liaison Office (FLO
Date: 9/15/2011 2:17 pm
There is no official list of unaccompanied posts.  You can post a question about a particular post on this site or research the status on sites like www.state.gov.  You can also email: FLOAskUT@state.gov

Research the sites?  I'm sorry, that answer is practically called "L-A-Z-Y" in our book. But it gets better.

Re: Unaccompanied post
User: Visitor
Date: 9/17/2011 8:42 am
I found this June 2010 list of unaccompanied posts.  The blogger says the list was extracted from State Magazine:
http://diplopundit.blogspot.com/2010/06/state-depts-list-of-unaccompanied-posts.html

Reply •
Re: Unaccompanied post
DOS Family Liaison Office (FLO
User: DOS Family Liaison Office (FLO
Date: 9/19/2011 8:28 am
Please note that the list of UT posts does change from time to time.  If you have a question on a specific post, please contact:  FLOAskUT@state.gov

Ha! Ha! I think that's us!

What is confusing is that "there is no official list" but the "list of UT posts does change from time to time."Okdok, I think I got that.

Here's the funny thing: the official magazine of the State Department called State Magazine put together that list in a two-page spread about unaccompanied posts in the Foreign Service in 2010. The writer who did the piece, officially the deputy editor of the magazine thus an employee of the State Department cited his source as the Bureau of Human Resources, an official bureau at the State Department.  But wait a minute .... isn't that the same bureau that the DOS Family Liaison Office reports to? It is, but so what.... 

Anyway-- there is no official list, gotcha! Which begs the question, how hard is it to post a list of unaccompanied posts online and update it once a year? It's really hard? Really? Okay. It's Really hard.

I supposed I should call the extract below the unofficial list of State Department unaccompanied posts from the official magazine of the State Department. I suggest State Magazine labels it as such so there is no misunderstanding of any sort on what is official:

Unaccompanied Posts_State Magazine June 2010




Click here for the unaccompanied posts in February 2009, courtesy of the Foreign Service Journal, the trade publication of the American Foreign Service Association, the bargaining unit of the Foreign Service.

WaPo's In The Loop Iraq Naming Contest -- And the Winners Are ...Ta-Daaa!

Image by Carla216 via Flickr

I am sorry to report that my Condoleezza's Water & Waste Management Disruption Tower did not make it to Al Kamen's Iraq Naming Contest.  But just because it's not blessed by the Washington Post, doesn't mean you cannot call the embassy's water and waste treatment facilities W2MD. What -- you don't think that's a mighty cute name? Don't make me go there and paint that name on the waste treatment building!

Anyway, I have to admit that the winners have a particularly endearing collection of names including a submission from a  career Foreign Service officer. Submitted on background, of course (see #5): “The Bush Hanging Gardens, featuring the Wolfowitz Water (Boarding) Slide and the Douglas Leap of Feith bungee jump (you keep going up and down).”

The Bush Hanging Gardens - you think that's the one in Al Hillah?

I am also rather fond of #4 “Bremer Bridge to Nowhere" although I think I would like it best as Jerry Bremer International Bridge to Nowhere or J-BIB-N. I also like very much one of the entries that did not make the cut -- "Curveball Coliseum,” particularly the scoreboard that "can fabricate numbers more to your liking."

From WaPo's In the Loop - by Al Kamen

And now, the winners of the In the Loop Naming Opportunities contest for 2011. This was to rename Iraqi streets, towns, rivers and such, or places at the sprawling U.S. Embassy there to honor American officials for their efforts in that country in recent years.

1. “Bed, Baath and Beyond Boulevard,” submitted by Marty Siegel, a retired Coast Guard civilian employee from Alexandria.

2. “Known Knowns Avenue, with a cross street named Known Unknowns,” which would yield “Known Knowns Known Unknowns Square,” submitted by Steve Hein, marketing director at a military services organization.

3. “The Dick Cheney ‘Welcome Liberators Arch,’ which serves as the majestic back entrance to the new open-air Baghdad public shooting range.” Submitted on background by a Senate Republican aide.

4. “Bremer Bridge to Nowhere — a sister bridge to that great American symbol in Alaska.” Submitted by federal employee Martin O’Connor of Round Hill, Va.

5. “The Bush Hanging Gardens, featuring the Wolfowitz Water (Boarding) Slide and the Douglas Leap of Feith bungee jump (you keep going up and down).” Submitted on background by a career Foreign Service officer from Maine.

See the rest of the winners here.

As an aside, there's one name not in the competition that just might do it for me for the city of Baghdad -- Greater Georgebushistan or GG. Is there a stamp for that for my collection?

Al Kamen's In the Loop Iraq Naming Opportunities Contest - Deadline April 11

Image via WikipediaNot one to ever pass an opportunity for a contest, WaPo's Al Kamen has a new In the Loop contest inspired by a report that "The State Department plans to spend up to $250,000 for 21 12-foot light poles and cables to upgrade lighting in the 104-acre U.S. Embassy compound in Baghdad along “Negroponte Way,” a pathway up to the embassy."

Apparently the former Ambassador John Negroponte was none too happy with this:

Negroponte Way? As in the former ambassador there, John Negroponte? Indeed, the same. Negroponte, now an international business consultant here, says he didn’t know of the plan to name the walkway for him. He said he saw his name engraved in a stone when, as deputy secretary of state, he returned to Baghdad a couple of years ago for the new embassy’s ribbon-cutting ceremony.

“It was done without prior consultation or approval on my part,” Negroponte said. “I objected at the time and, subsequently, in a message to the embassy, asked that my name be removed.”

So here is the In the Loop contest details - note the deadline is Monday, April 11.

Yes, it’s the first Loop Iraq Naming Opportunities contest for 2011, to propose to embassy officials — and a grateful Iraqi nation — the streets and places that might be renamed for deserving American officials.

For example, the Kurds might want to name a mountain “Snowflake Peak,” in honor of former defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld’s famous Pentagon action memos. Or maybe there’s a tunnel, overpass, bridge, river, building, city or such that needs a new name, such as the L. Paul Bremer cul-de-sac?

Send your entries to NamingOpps@washpost.com. The contest deadline is April 11. You must include a telephone number to be eligible. Winners, to be chosen by an independent panel of experts, will receive mention in the column and one of those coveted In the Loop T-shirts. Ties broken by date of entry. Don’t delay!

Read WaPo's original post here.

You know, of course, that the official residence of the US Ambassador in Japan was called at one time “Hoover’s Folly,” right?  The chancery and the residence with imported Georgia walnut wall panels and Vermont marble flooring, were completed during The Depression at a cost of $1.25 million dollars.

The following is not very original but since the US Embassy in Baghdad cost $592 million 736 million to build (according to the CRS) and about $1.8 billion in operational cost annually (a drip compared to DOD funding in Iraq), I think we can call it any of the following:

Georgie Boy's Grand Folly
Dubya's Grand Folly
The Bush Baghdad Money Sinkhole or TBBMS
Baghdad Blenda, that Elephant is Dazzling

The water and waste treatment facilities? We might call it Condoleezza's Water & Waste Management Disruption Tower or Condi's W2MD Tower, for short.

The power station? Why not Rummy's Light Footprint Station?

The cinema at the embassy - for sure, Dick Cheney's Mushroom Cloud Cinema

What else?

Future of Hope Alley - after L. Paul Bremer's My Year in Iraq: The Struggle to Build a Future of Hope

End of Evil Way - after Richard Perle's An End to Evil: How to Win the War on Terror

Political Lives Parking Lot 1 or PLPL1 for short - after Tony Blair's A Journey: My Political Life

Gym: Stuff Happens Sports and Recreational Facilities, after you know who.

Cafeteria: Slam-Dunk Corner in honor of George Tenet

Anyway, so you're going on a date at the Dick Cheney's Mushroom Cloud Cinema, and you've just park your official vehicle at the PLPL1 when your phone rings:

Caller: Where are you?
You: Just pulled in at the PLPL1. Where are you?
Caller: Waiting for you at the End of Evil Way. Can you please hurry, we'll be late.
You: I'm coming on the running, will take the shortcut by foot at Future of Hope Alley.
Caller: Okay, see you in five, bye.

What, too lame? If you got a better dish, send it to In the Loop.

Related articles

• Angry crowds in Baghdad, Falluja protest conditions in Iraq (cnn.com)
• Iraqi cleric threatens action if U.S. forces remain (ctv.ca)
• Gates in Baghdad for talks with Iraqi officials (seattletimes.nwsource.com)

Hugo Chavez Plus* has short list for next US Ambassador to Venezuela but you should see Kim Jong-il's

In Hugo Chavez's short list, in no particular order --

• Bill Clinton
• Noam Chomsky
• Sean Penn
• Oliver Stone

Anyone on that list would be just perfect for that chief of mission job in Caracas, thank you very much!

Really, and the next thing you know, that guy with a funny hair giving the Korean Peninsula a tummy ache is going to have his short list, too. We imagine that Kim Jong-il's list would be much more interesting than Hugo's based on his Hollywood favorites. In no particular order, of course:

• Jason Voorhees
• John Rambo aka:Sylvester Stallone
• Godzilla
• Dame Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor
• James Bond, the current version aka: Daniel Craig

And who would Mahmoud of Ahmadinejad have for Tehran? Bob the Builder? What do you eat in Pyongyang if you're a radioactive dinosaur, anyway? 

Perhaps concerned on how Chavez's "picks" might create a precedent (just imagine searching for an American Godzilla to be chief of mission in Pyongyang?), the State Department's PJ Crowley answered a definite "no" when asked if the US "would you seriously entertain any of those suggestions?"

QUESTION: No? Okay. So who are --

MR. CROWLEY: Well, put it this way. We appreciate President Chavez’s suggestions, but the fact is we are not looking for another candidate to be the U.S. Ambassador to Caracas. We’ve made clear that we felt very strongly that Larry Palmer was the appropriate candidate, fully qualified, and would have been and would be an effective interlocutor to improve relations between the United States and Venezuela. We have not changed our view, even though his nomination is technically expired. We supported him prior to the end of the last Congress and we continue to support him. And we regret very much that Venezuela has rescinded agrément, but the fact is we’re not looking for another candidate.

QUESTION: Well, that seems to go – well, I mean, it doesn’t entirely contradict, but it seems to tamp down what you had suggested the other day, which was that someone would have to be re-nominated for that post.

MR. CROWLEY: Someone would have to be re-nominated.

QUESTION: Has the decision been made to re-nominate Mr. Palmer, Ambassador Palmer, to the post?

MR. CROWLEY: Well, we will – we are evaluating the implications of Venezuela’s withdrawal of agrément. We haven’t made any decisions, but we just want to be clear that we have not stepped back from our complete support for Larry Palmer.

QUESTION: So – I realize this is a White House matter, but --

MR. CROWLEY: Well, I mean, again, that is a White House matter. What – all I’m saying is that we are – there have been suggestions, particularly suggestions by President Chavez himself, that we are looking for another candidate, and the answer is that we’re not looking for another candidate.

QUESTION: Okay, so you’re happy then – or maybe not happy, but you’re ready to leave it – leave the situation as it is, without having ambassadors in either country?

MR. CROWLEY: We’re prepared to stay where we are for an indefinite period.
[...]
MR. CROWLEY: I mean, there – but there – I’m not saying – I don't know. I’ll take the question as to whether we have meetings coming up with individuals from Venezuela. Obviously, we have not shied away from offering our view and our concerns about what is happening in Venezuela. We believe that an ambassador on the ground in Caracas would both have the ability to engage the Government of Venezuela but also make clear in our interaction with Venezuelan civil society that we support freedom of the press, we support private enterprise, we decry the increasingly autocratic trends in Venezuela.

If we have an ambassador at post, that’s not a concession to another country. It is someone there serving our interests and protecting our values. That’s why we are prepared to have an ambassador in Caracas. We believe that Larry Palmer can be an effective ambassador. We wish that Venezuela would accept him as our nominee. We regret that Venezuela has rescinded its agrément, and – but we haven’t stepped back from our support for Mr. Palmer.

*That "plus" is there for the 18 months where the President of Venezuela will govern his country by decrees.

Um wait -- just this past Monday, AP also reported that the US is considering seeking a new envoy to Venezuela and also quoted PJ Crowley.  This is so confusing. Not a good way to start a new year.   

Related articles

• Chavez warms to US suggestion of new envoy (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• Chavez floats Stone, Penn, Clinton for U.S. envoy (reuters.com)
• US stands by choice for Caracas envoy (alternet.org)

You gotta love HRC's sense of humor

Image via WikipediaDuring her visit to Australia, the Secretary of State had a fun chat with Hamish and Andy, the popular radio comedy dudes down under who run the Hamish and Andy Show. 

Listen here or download Hamish & Andy - Best Of Monday 8th November (Download this clip) The transcript excerpted below is funny enough but you gotta listen to the clip to hear HRC's sparkling laughter.


QUESTION: It’s a best before rather than a use by, so it may be it’s a rough guide. (Laughter.) Well, thank you so much for joining us first of all, Secretary Clinton. And you’re traveling around doing these conversations with predominantly young people. Probably a serious question out of the way first: Is the impetus for these trips that you feel this sort of a mismatch or imbalance, perhaps, between the way American is perceived and as you as the Secretary of State are the conduit to the rest of the world from America with how America’s perceived and what America’s message is?
SECRETARY CLINTON: I think that’s a fair question and I would say yes. I think that for young people today, this is such a busy, almost over stimulated, environment that you all come to maturity in and I think the United States has a deep understanding among people who are older because of the military alliances, the wars we’ve fought against totalitarianism in the 20^th century and the like. But for young people, there’s a lot of other things going on and --
QUESTION: The Kardashians give us a lot of our (inaudible) import.
SECRETARY CLINTON: The Kardashians, exactly. If you look at American TV as much of the rest of the world does, you would think we all went around wrestling and wearing bikinis. I mean, that’s what you would think we spend our entire day --
[...]
QUESTION: It all requires excellent patience, great negotiation skills. Your husband also possesses those qualities. When you two can’t agree on what to get for takeaway dinner, who wins out in that type of negotiation?
SECRETARY CLINTON: We practice different models of negotiation around important issues like that.
QUESTION: Yeah.
SECRETARY CLINTON: Because if I were to say to him, as I have on many occasions, “What shall we have for dinner tonight?” If he says to me, “Oh, I don’t care; you choose,” I know that’s a really bad answer, because then I’m stuck with the responsibility.
QUESTION: Yeah.
SECRETARY CLINTON: So I will come back and I’ll say, “All right. Well, so how do you feel about Chinese -- “
QUESTION: Oh, good.
SECRETARY CLINTON: “ -- or Mexican or Italian?” And if he says a second time, “I really, really don’t care,” then I will go choose. Now, contrarily, if he says to me, “What do you want for dinner tonight,” I will say, “What do you want?” Then he’ll go, “Well, I was thinking of maybe picking up some Thai.” And if I’m in a good humor, I’ll say, “That’s fine.” But if I am feeling not enthusiastic about Thai, I’ll say, “Well, maybe we should consider something else.” And he’ll say, “Well, then you choose.” (Laughter.)
QUESTION: Do you ever eat before midnight? (Laughter.)
SECRETARY CLINTON: We are very late eaters. Yes, we do. I mean, this could go on -- this goes on for some time.
QUESTION: You want to make sure people don’t know that he had half of the conversation, because you’ve got former President talking to the current Secretary of State, how do you feel about Chinese -- (laughter) -- I don’t know. I don’t really like Chinese. That could be catastrophic.
SECRETARY CLINTON: That’s why we have our rooms swept every day. (Laughter.)
[...]
QUESTION: Well, I mean, in your role now as Secretary of State, you have such high-level meetings and also as First Lady and U.S. senator, have you ever said the phrase, “You’ve just made a very powerful enemy?” (Laughter.)
SECRETARY CLINTON: No, but I’ve thought it. (Laughter.)
QUESTION: What’s a nicer way to say it. Do you just have to go -- (laughter).
SECRETARY CLINTON: Well, I’ve learned diplo-speak. I’ve become very --
QUESTION: Because I suppose that’s a pretty big threat.
SECRETARY CLINTON: Yes, well, but you can say -- when someone says --
QUESTION: If I just -- say I just crossed the United States of America --
SECRETARY CLINTON: Yes, right.
QUESTION: -- horribly, how would you sort of convey that message to me?
SECRETARY CLINTON: Well, I live by the old adage, "don’t get mad; get even". So you don’t want to jump any conclusions. You don’t want to be saying, “We have a lot of military (inaudible).” No, you don’t do any of that. You just -- what you try to do is to convince people that what you think is good for the country that you’re visiting and good for the world they should as well.
[...]
QUESTION: I am just in a nutshell, there are some hot spots, there are some cold spots, things are okay.
SECRETARY CLINTON: That’s right. See, I’ve got this Goldilocks theory of foreign relations. It’s not too hot; it’s not too cold. You’ve got to get it just right.
[...]
QUESTION: I ran into my neighbor yesterday as I was taking party supplies into my house. And he said, “Are you having a barbeque?” I said, “Yes.” And he’s currently not invited, but now he knows that a barbeque is on. We have, on a microscale, we have diplomatic tensions.
SECRETARY CLINTON: Yeah, you do. You have a potential hot spot next door.
QUESTION: We have a hostile neighbor. And we have a shared wall, too.
SECRETARY CLINTON: Well, the path of least resistance is to invite him.
QUESTION: He’s not a good mix. He’s not a good match.
SECRETARY CLINTON: Not a good match.
QUESTION: We sort of -- I don’t want to call him a rogue dissident, but --
SECRETARY CLINTON: How about this -- yeah, well, why don’t you take him over some barbeque?
QUESTION: And that’s why you are the Secretary of State of the United States of America. Thank you for joining.


Read full transcript of the Secretary's talk with Hamish and Andy | Mon, 08 Nov 2010 13:06:13 -0600

Updated 11/10 with YouTube clip:

"She's so wonderfully charming and normal ..."

Related articles

• Hillary Clinton Chats Chips, Food Temperatures & Negotiating Takeout With Bill On 'Hamish & Andy' (huffingtonpost.com)
• Hillary Clinton talks gravy chips, the Kardashians, and how not to burn the top of your mouth (blogs.abcnews.com)
• Hillary Clinton: A Funny Lesson on Diplomacy (blogs.wsj.com)
• Australian Comedians Get Sec. Hillary Clinton To Open Up About Potato Chips (mediaite.com)

Scare the kids: You will die as a midlevel Washington bureaucrat ...

The 4 min 4 sec video below So You Want To Be A Diplomat was created by Georgetown's School of Foreign Service students, Morgan McDaniel, Amanda Lanzillo, and Mike Madoff and posted in xtranormal. H/T to Two Crabs. We got our three laughs for the day!

What they forgot was to include the view from the Brits like -- "unthinkable” for a diplomat to “produce babies." How about “the clever woman would not be liked and the attractive woman would not be taken seriously." Also, "the trouble with you women is that you will go and get married.”

Read Alex Barker's piece, Britain’s first female diplomats in FT magazine. It is quite a romp down diplomatic history.

Parlor Game Time: Who Gets Issa's First Subpoena Contest

Al Kamen's In the Loop contest deadline: December 15

From WaPo | November 2, 2010 - Al Kamen has great timing, as always:

One specter haunting Democrats is that of uber-partisan Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) wielding the gavel at the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee.

Democrats predict that Issa and other GOP leaders would follow former committee chairman Dan Burton's policy during the Clinton years - let a thousand subpeonas bloom - and would bury the Obama administration in an avalanche of subpoenas and hearings.

But Issa, while planning to double his investigators if he becomes chairman, went out of his way recently to tell reporters that a subpoena tsunami is "not my plan at all" - as long as the Democrats "work with us."

Right. So, on the assumption that all the polls and pundits are right about a GOP House takeover - and with a caution to wait for an official count - we proudly announce the Loop Who Gets It First Contest, which lets you guess which federal agency or individual gets Issa's first subpoena.

The possibilities are numerous. First, of course, might be Attorney General Eric Holder, for wanting to try alleged Sept. 11 terrorists in Manhattan, or for dropping charges against the New Black Panther Party of intimidating white poll-watchers and hypothetical white voters in an all-black Philadelphia precinct.

That could play to the tea party base, but maybe better to go deep on Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Lisa Jackson, for being mean to polluters and enacting cap-and-trade regulations before Congress actually passes a bill. That would please mining, oil and other heavy polluters.

Then there's former president Bill Clinton - no executive privilege anymore- and the White House, for a job offer to Rep. Joe Sestak (D) to get him out of the Pennsylvania primary. That might be immensely satisfying to Issa personally, since he's really steamed about it. (On the other hand, Clinton's polls are up these days, and pursuing this could seem too political and unstatesmanlike.)

Treasury Secretary Tim "Bailout" Geithner is another fine target, if you're looking to rev up anger over the management - not the actual Bush-signed legislation - of the TARP billions. Or the Energy or Transportation Departments, for their management of the stimulus money. Good ties to jobs and deficit-cutting in those areas.

For excellent waste, fraud and abuse, Issa might want to subpoena Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton and CIA chief Leon Panetta about those pallets of cash shipped to Afghanistan to show Washington's deep respect for certain warlords - and the presidential palace, where about half the money went.

To win our contest, simply predict which agency or person will get the first Issa subpoena and over what issue. As a tiebreaker, guess the month and day.

Note: Issa needs the committee to be organized and to meet to vote a subpoena, so it's not likely that he'll push one out much before February. For example, after the D's retook Congress in 2006, then-committee Chairman Henry Waxman (D-Calif.) didn't sign one until March 2, 2007.

So - assuming the GOP takes the House - send your entry to: firstsubpoena@washpost.com. As always, Hill and administration officials may submit entries on background. Those coveted In the Loop T-shirts will be awarded the first 10 entrants with the correct answer.

(We're working to see if we can also offer a copy of the subpoena itself, sure to be a prized historic document. This would be unframed, so you can get one to match your wall color.)

Deadline for entries is Dec. 15.

By the way, time.com reported that Darell Issa  believes Barack Obama was born in America -- so there won't be any subpoenas/hearings on the President's birth certificate or Kenyan midwife, or his head gear pick or (fill in the blank).  But apparently the congressman is confident that more federal spending also means more waste, fraud and abuse to spotlight and says he won't shy away from using his subpoena power.  

Uh-oh!

Related articles

• Issa Vows a Get-Tough Policy (blogs.wsj.com)
• Issa signals restraint in oversight (politico.com)
• From New GOP Perch, Former Car Alarm Magnate To Raise False Climate Alarm (environment.change.org)
• GOP lawmaker looks to increase scrutiny of Obama (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• GOP Promises Two More Years of No Compromise (crooksandliars.com)

US citizen in Mosul offers $6,000,000 for "prospective role" of taking care of found money (? ) in Iraq

Image via WikipediaWe have recently received a very lucrative offer from Iraq; we feel the need to share it with you, because -- well, why not?:

My name is [redacted], a US citizen, presently serving in Mosul,Iraq.I have a very urgent need for assistance, I will disclose and provide adequate proof of my identity,and also explain how I got your contact,but I must have some assurances that you will not use such delicate information against me.

I feel quite safe reaching you through this medium,although it has`been greatly abused, it still remains one of the fastest and cheapest means of communication, this is also apart from the fact that I have very restricted access to other means of communication.

However, this correspondence is unofficial and should be treated as such.I have to urgently move some money out of here to a safe country as soon as i can have some assistance, and I have discovered a secure way of doing so, I will explain the source of money to you when I am convinced that you sincerely want to work with me, but I assure you of your safety as far as this project is concerned.

Concealing this money here has been a big problem/source of distraction to me, what I require from you now is the assurance that you will honor my conditions, mostly as regards taking care of my share until I complete my service here, and preserving all information relating to this.I am offering you Six million dollars ($6,000,000) for your prospective role, but should you have reasons to reject this offer, please destroy this mail as any leakage will be too bad for us. I will continue with the details when you signify your intention to work with me.

Respectfully,

[redacted]

Cheapest medium?  Cheapskate, but he sounds almost reasonable, doesn't he?  We were not told how much is the total amount that is keeping him distracted over there in the sands.  We sure could use the money to fund our coffee addiction, keep this blog going or buy paint to wash over the old bathroom (oh, also buy a new mansion to accommodate thousand pounds of books and junk), but we are terribly worried that this distraction could get this poor sod killed over there. And then who would they come after? See the problem? Or if they won't get us, Mr. IRS for sure would like to know where all that coffee money came from .... so we had to write back and decline the offer:

Thank you Mr. US Citizen in Mosul, Iraq for the kind offer of sharing your wonderful bounty.  We have a couple of reasons to reject this offer, but we guess that our Uncle Sam who is going broke gambling over Iraq (and yada, yada, yada) may be happy to entertain your proposal. Uncle Sam 's folks (very nice folks, indeed) would be most interested in chatting with you about this delicate money project.   They have an extensive, and reliable operation, please contact any of them here to help you. They are standing ready to help.

Sincerely,
DS   

Videos of the Week: Stephen Colbert Testifies in Congress on Migrant Labor

Here is the first part where Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert announced his impending appearance at the House Committee.  Also a first hand look at the hard work he did in an American farm packing corn and picking beans.  Now we know why he does not eat salad.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Fallback Position - Migrant Worker Pt. 2
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

Then he showed up at the House Committee Judiciary | Immigration, Citizenship, Refugees, Border Security, & International Law, where he was apparently invited by the chairperson. Below is the clip of his 5 minute or so testimony.

CNN reports that Republicans on the subcommittee were not impressed or swayed by Colbert's appearance."Maybe we should be spending less time watching Comedy Central and more time considering all the real jobs that are out there -- ones that require real hard labor and ones that don't involve sitting behind a desk," said Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa.   

Here is the last part, where Rep. John Conyers D-MI., asks Stephen Colbert to leave the hearing. But not before he plugged in the Colbert-Stewart rallies in Washington, DC on October 30 and reminisced about the last time the Committee had a full house and had so many cameras (during the impeachment hearings apparently).

Related articles by Zemanta

• Stephen Colbert Testifies - In Character - To Congressional Sub-Committee (mediaite.com)
• Jokester Colbert goes to Washington (firstread.msnbc.msn.com)
• Colbert gets serious about farms (politico.com)
• Stephen Colbert Testifies Before Congress, Despite Being Asked to Leave [Video] (gawker.com)
• Colbert breaks character to plead for migrant workers (thehill.com)

MAR eCards | Do you speak Horsey 3+/3+?

This is part of the series of ecards we've rolled out the previous weeks.  Please note that Someecards is not intended for use by people under 18 years of age, or by ostriches.

See more of our cards at Someecards -- ecards for "when you care enough to hit SEND."

 

MAR eCards | Forced out of the plane

This is part of the series of ecards we've rolled out the past week.  Please note that Someecards is not intended for use by people under 18 years of age, or by ostriches.

See more of our cards at Someecards -- ecards for "when you care enough to hit SEND."

MAR eCards | Officially too old to work as a diplomat unless ...

For FS folks who are subject to mandatory age retirement (MAR), also known as "prompt removal" upon reaching the magic number in the Foreign Service, we have created a new line of ecards to mark this milestone.  

Below is the first in the series we're rolling out starting this week.  God knows how difficult it is to find a card just for you in the Hallmark aisle. Especially those that says "we appreciate you but you must leave now please ... " If what a former DG says hold true, folks may need these ecards for 35% of the Department's workforce who will be eligible for retirement in 2012 and for more than half the current workforce who will be retirement eligible in 2017.

Note that Someecards is not intended for use by people under 18 years of age, or by ostriches.
 

See more of our cards at Someecards -- ecards for "when you care enough to hit SEND."

Glenn Beck considers cost of building U.S. embassy in Iraq "foreign aid"

Yep, Glenn Beck is tired of foreign aid. And he wants you to know about it, too, especially that US Embassy in Iraq. Imagine the foreign aid we poured into building that one.  Har-har-har! Sorry if you're not laughing, but its imperative that you understand -- apparently US "foreign aid" went to building that American Embassy in Baghdad? Really? I wonder who thought of building that embassy?

Via Media Matters

New Word of the Day: Stress to Impress

"Temporary anxiety caused by the need or want to show off a certain skill in front of a person or group. The skill can usually be attained unless others are watching, causing the stress."

Person A: "Why were you so sloppy at the NIV window today? You've been doing 200 interviews a day for the last six months!"

Person B: "Dude, I felt the stress to impress because the new CG who has not done visa interviews since after A100 had a stop watch over my shoulder."

Adapted from the Urban Dictionary

Consular Corner Creative Writing Contest Winners!

Remember the Consular Corner's Consul General, Pig, Monkey Creative Writing Contest  last month?  Well, CC has some winners, including Diplopundit's "A Day in a Life of Pig, Consul General and Monkey King" as Grand Champion for the "Poetry | Other" category. That's cool, huh?!

 “Consul General Linda Donahue shows Monkey and Pig
how easy it is to use the new DS-160 online visa application form.”
Photo from US Embassy Beijing

Pig once visited a popular consular-magical window

Full of spring moon charm and sadness and sorrow

Nobody, but nobody knew if she was from Kyoto.

The Consul General, the almost Brigadier General

Politely sat without a grumble, listening, listening

To Pig’s enchanting oink and ever expanding gamble:

The piglets, the piglets are all alone in the castle!

Monkey King, the one great sage of consular corner

Gave Pig a glance that clacked and clattered like an anchor

And quiet innocently asked the gentle Consul General,

If these piglets are all weaned and marvelous as chow chow,

Why, why would Pig wail about their being alone just now?

Thank you judges! Diplopundit is in fantastic company.  There is the top winner, "K-Visa Delight" (set to the tune of "Afternoon Delight") by Paul Mayer, the Consular Section Chief of US Consulate General Montreal.  We have previously posted Paul here in the aftermath of the Haiti earthquake when he blogged about his experience at DipNote.  His KV Delight is absolutely wonderful! Verse 1 below; see if you can sing it along with the tune.  Now, we just need somebody to sing and record this for YouTube.  Perhaps the guys in London who did the Lonely Hearts Scam Division video would take this on?

Gonna get your K-visa, baby hold on tight

Gonna do your DS-160 tonight
We meet while gaming online, we both love to fight
Playing World of Warcraft online each and every night.

Another winner is "Chicken Little and the DS-160" in the allegory category (aka "laughter as antidote to extreme frustration" category) submitted by an anonymous immigration attorney. Excerpt below. Read on, I think you'll see why its anonymous: 

"The system is falling? How do you know the system is falling?" the Consul General asked.

"Well, Pig Wig told me," said Goosey Loosey.

"Monkey Bunkey told me," said Pig Wig.

"Chicken Little told me," said Monkey Bunkey.

"I tried to save my data but things were so slow that my form timed out!" said Chicken Little.

The Consul General turned to his email inbox and glanced at an update from Consular Affairs.

"Chicken Little, the system isn't falling. The connectivity issues with the DS-160 have been resolved."

All the animals laughed, and the Consul General laughed, too. Then CA held a press conference announcing that there would be no more problems with the DS-160 and the world laughed, too.

The Grand Champion in the Haiku category is Angela Pan of U.S. Embassy, Beijing.  The Grand Champion for the Limerick category is Brian Bolton, a former Foreign Service Officer.  I did not have time to request reprint permission but you can read the full text for all the winners here.

Thank you, Liam! That was fun! 

  

New Word of the Day: Upper Case Voice

Noun. To raise your voice or accentuate part of a sentence to stress significance as you would while typing in the digital world.

"I got a SUPERIOR HONOR award for that!" she said in her upper case voice.

 Adapted from the Urban Dictionary

Consul General, Pig, Monkey Creative Writing Contest

Liam of Consular Corner is running a Creative Writing Contest over at his page in Facebook. The contest was inspired by this extraordinary photo ("Consul General, Pig, and Monkey") out of US Embassy Beijing:

“Consul General Linda Donahue shows Monkey and Pig

how easy it is to use the new DS-160 online visa application form.” 

  

Entries can take any form of written expression (short story, Haiku, limerick, etc.) but must include the words "Consul General" "Pig" and "Monkey." The winning entries (there may need to be more than one!) will be published in the monthly edition of Consular Corner. Please submit your entry by EOB next Thursday, March 11 to consularcorner.feedback@gmail.com.

More photos here from US Embassy Beijing. H/T to Consular Corner.

Blogger Writes her Own Travel Warning for Sudan

Image via Wikipedia

Michel of FS blog, Facts Are Strictly Optional, is always a hoot to read. Earlier last week she posted about diving with sharks in the Sudan (see I was Swimmin with the Fishes, Yo!).  On Wednesday, she posted about how to include sharks into her conversation at work.   “…nobody really stops to consider how difficult it is to weave that naturally into a conversation.  You have to work at it.” 

In case her readers plan on traveling to Port Sudan, she mercifully wrote an “Updated (and more Useful) Travel Warning” complete with current time, etc. 

Travel Warning United States Department of State
by Michel

---

This information is current as of today, Fri Feb 26 2010 22:12:58 GMT+0200 (GTB Standard Time).Wed Feb 24 2010 06:26:53 GMT+0300. (nobody knows what time that is in actuality.  It's an enigma, wrapped around a mystery.  We put it on the warnings so that you have something to do while you pretend to read the below....)

SUDAN

Finally! A More Useful Travel Warning for Sudan....

You have to read the whole thing.  Excerpt below for those who are living behind 8-foot concrete walls topped with steel plates and concertina wires, who may appreciate this:

The U.S. Embassy is located at Sharia Ali Abdul Latif, Khartoum; tel. (249) 1-8701-6000.  However, we may move into the new Embassy that was recently built at any given moment because we cannot seem to pick a firm date for the move.  We recommend U.S. citizens drive around and locate what would appear to be a maximum security prison.  This is likely the U.S. Embassy or my house.

Somebody named Madam Le Consul posted in the blog:.

LOVE the travel warning! It is so, so, so what we want to really write instead of the dull blah that will make it to travel.state.gov. Brilliant!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I hope  the Bureau of Consular Affairs and travel.state.gov have since developed a sense of humor.   

Richard Shelby’s Senate Holds and Jam

Yesterday, Steven Aftergood of Secrecy News posted about Senate Holds, Filibusters, and the “Nuclear” Option: 

Last week, Sen. Richard Shelby (R-AL) placed a “hold” on all of the Obama Administration nominations that are pending before the Senate, thereby preventing a vote on their confirmation.  There are said to be at least 70 such nominations awaiting Senate action, including those of several senior defense and intelligence officials.  Sen. Shelby, a man of flexible principles who has served as both a Democrat and a Republican, reportedly adopted the blanket holds in an attempt to compel the Administration to award certain defense contracts to his home state of Alabama.

Shelby’s action is “outlandish,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) on the Senate floor last Thursday.  But that was as far as he was prepared to go, or perhaps farther than he intended to go.  Striking a tactical retreat, he immediately added: “I can’t imagine this is the right thing to do.”

He did not just placed a single hold, but a blanket hold.  Below is Keith Olberman on Monday night who skewered the good senator from Alabama like sizzling kebab:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Apparently also on Monday night, Mr. Shelby lifted most of the nearly 70 holds he had placed on President Obama’s nominations to posts that require Senate confirmation.  A Shelby spokesman quoted by the NYT says that the holds were “to get the White House’s attention on two issues that are critical to our national security,” a refueling tanker that would add jobs in Mobile and an F.B.I. antiterrorism center to be built in Alabama.

Oh, sweet ....more senate holds and jam, please!

  

Related Items from Secrecy News:

• “Recess Appointments: Frequently Asked Questions,” updated March 12, 2008.
• “‘Entrenchment’ of Senate Procedure and the ‘Nuclear Option’ for Change: Possible Proceedings and Their Implications,” March 28, 2005.
• “Cloture Attempts on Nominations,” March 30, 2009.
• “‘Holds’ in the Senate,” May 19, 2008.
• “Senate Policy on ‘Holds’: Action in the 110th Congress,” March 14, 2008.
• “Filibusters and Cloture in the Senate,” March 28, 2003.
• “Minority Rights and Senate Procedures,” August 22, 2005.